Choose To Live!

Unless you have had your head buried in the sand, I am sure that you have heard many debates over whether or not the U.S. was in a recession or not. Some said "Yes" while others didn't want to give it a stronger term than an "economic slowdown". The whole debate has served well to sell many newspapers and magazines and to drive people's stress levels up. Add to that the bank failures, home foreclosures and an unprecedented bailout plan that is going to cost the American taxpayers $700 billion and stress levels climb higher and higher. So, when the newspaper headlines officially announced that our great nation was in a recession, it was somewhat of a relief. At least now we can end the debate and get on with our lives.

Let me ask you a question, though. How did you feel when you read the newspaper or clicked on CNN this morning? Did it add to your stress and grumpiness or did you find something positive in it? When I read the official pronouncement of a recession, it didn't change my day one bit. Do you want to know why? Because my situation hasn't changed one bit. I still have a loving wife and wonderful kids. I still have my health and vitality. I still have a job that provides the majority of my income and a side job to supplement it; not to mention a recession-proof business that is endorsed by one of the wealthiest businessmen in the world. I still have my home and other comforts and conveniences that make life easier for me. I still have friends and acquaintances that I get to associate with. Life is still good!

I realize that not everybody has these things and there are people that are losing their jobs and their homes every day. It is an unfortunate situation that has caused a lot of people to become a victim of their circumstances and take a dismal view of life. But there are a few, a select few, who appreciate those things that really matter the most in life and choose a better outlook.

The following is a story that I have always loved which illustrates how we can choose to really live our life each day:

Jerry is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant.

The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.

I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gun point by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. “The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Jerry continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.'"

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

Happiness isn't a booming economy, a home or a job - it is a choice. I hope each of you are choosing to live your life rather than allowing yourself to be victimized by your circumstances and allowing your life to pass you by because you are too busy grumbling about the recession and looking for someone to blame for it. (For more on who is really responsible for a recession, read my post "Are You In A Recession? I'm Not!" on The Millionaire Marathon Blog.) Find something good to focus on in each and every day rather than focusing on the bad. And once we have improved ourselves inwardly, we can change our circumstances for the better as well.

Choose to live today and every day to its fullest!

Don't Be A Goob!

Lewis: I don't even know what I'm doing.

Wilbur: Keep moving forward.

Lewis: I mean, this stuff is way too advanced for me.

Wilbur: Keep moving forward.

Lewis: And what if I can't fix this, what are we going to do?

Wilbur: Keep moving forward.

Lewis: Why do you keep saying that? And don't just say keep moving forward!

Wilbur: It's my dad's motto.

Lewis: Why would his motto be keep moving forward?

Wilbur: It's what he does.

Meet the Robinsons



I love this movie, partly because of its entertainment value, but primarily because of the message it delivers. Here is an aspiring inventor whose inventions never seem to work out the way he plans. In fact, more often than not, they explode. And to top it all off, his mother abandoned him on the doorstep of an orphanage when he was a baby and nobody seems willing to adopt him. He has had well over 100 adoption interviews and, so far, no takers. He is frustrated and fed up and has lost all faith in himself and his abilities.

Do you ever feel like that? Like, no matter how hard you try, things never work out the way you plan and so you might as well give up? Do you ever feel like the entire universe is conspiring against you to hold you down? I know I have. In fact, I felt as if I could point to numerous pieces of evidence that demonstrated that I had been put on this earth simply for God's amusement so that He could see just how much disaster and heartbreak he could heap upon a single man before I would completely cave in.

Wilbur encourages Lewis with his dad's motto, "Keep moving forward!", but Lewis doesn't really get it until the villain catches up to him and explains just how Lewis had ruined his whole life:

Lewis: Goob, I had no idea!

Bowler Hat Guy: Shut up! And don't call me "Goob"! How many evil villains do you know that can pull off a name like "Goob"? Bleh!

Lewis: Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad. But don't blame me you messed it up yourself. You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past and keep moving forward...

Bowler Hat Guy: Hmm, let's see... take responsibility for my own life or blame you? Dingdingdingdingding! Blame you wins hands down!

It is an easy trap to fall into when we start blaming others, the environment, the economy or even God for all the trouble in our lives. But one thing that I have learned is that when we play the "blame game" we give up our power over the situation. We surrender our ability to learn and grow and overcome the difficulty that stands in our way. And then, to make matters worse, we relive these failures over and over in our minds, making ourselves mental martyrs, as we constantly remind ourselves why our lives are so awful and why it isn't our fault.

And while we are busy doing that, great opportunities are passing us by and we only see them once they are fading off into the distance as we recognize that those opportunities could have been ours but now it is too late. So now we have a whole new set of complaints that we can blame on others, the environment, the economy or God and we get locked into a vicious circle of blaming and complaining.

It is important to let go of past frustrations and failures. One way to do that is to remember a very simple truth:

There is no such thing as failure - only feedback.

What that means is that when something doesn't go right, it is only feedback about whether or not our approach is working or not. We just need to make the small corrections necessary and keep moving forward. Little kids are great at this.

In my house, we have a long, narrow kitchen in which the cutting board is constantly pulled out because we were slicing or spreading something there and it often does not get pushed back in. My youngest is notorious for running or even just walking through the kitchen and catching the corner of that cutting board right in the head. Depending on the speed he is traveling, he may cry for a couple seconds and then come get a hug or he may simply rub the sore spot and move on. The next time through the kitchen, even when he is distracted in playing with his older brother, it is interesting to observe how just a step before he gets to the cutting board he will suddenly veer away or duck his head to the side without even consciously thinking about it and keeps moving forward. In that one moment, he has learned that traveling this path is painful and with just a small adjustment he can avoid future painful experiences.

Why does he do this? Why doesn't he blame the cutting board for being so hard? Why doesn't he blame his mother, father or brothers for leaving it out? Why doesn't he blame the home builders for not installing safety strobe lights to warn him when it is sticking out from the counter? Why doesn't he blame God for allowing him to get hurt that way? These questions may seem silly, but it is simply to illustrate that he hasn't learned the "blame game" yet like you and I have. Someday I hope he learns that the kitchen isn't exactly a safe place to play, but I hope he never learns the "blame game". I know the chances of that are slim, but I hope at least chooses not to play it.

And that is the point right there - we all have a choice! We can focus on the bad stuff that has happened to us in the past or we can look to the future, open a new door and keep moving forward.

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”
~ Walt Disney

The only thing in this world that can stop you is you! So, don't be a goob! Just keep moving forward!!!

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I know that sometimes we get depressed and we want to wallow in our self-pity and we want to blame our difficulties on someone or something else. I understand that because I feel that way at times, too. What really helps me is to get a little perspective on how bad things really are. The next time you feel that way, I recommend you do some research on W. Mitchell. Read about his life experiences in this Parade Magazine article and then read his personal advice in the articles on his website. It might help you come to the realization that things really aren't so bad after all and only you have the power to make them better.

Beating Back Adversity

Hardy Greaves: [Talking about his father] He's sweeping streets, Junuh, in the middle of Savannah where everybody can see him; me, my friends and everybody.

Rannulph Junuh: You feeling sorry because your daddy sweeps streets?

Hardy Greaves: He ain't the only man who can't get work. Wilbur's dad can't neither. But he says he'd rather do nothing than something beneath his dignity.

Rannulph Junuh: Grow up Hardy!

Hardy Greaves: It ain't time for me to grow up, Mr. Junuh.

Rannulph Junuh: You're daddy is out sweeping streets because he took every last dime he had, and used it to pay up every man and woman he owed and every business who worked for him, instead of declaring bankruptcy like everyone else in town, including your best friend Wilbur Charles' dad, Raymond, which is why he's able to sit around all day long on his dignity! You're daddy stared adversity in the eye, Hardy. And he beat it back with a broom.

The Legend of Bagger Vance

My wife may not like me sharing this with you as it is a personal and emotional issue, but there was a time in the not-so-distant past where our family had fallen on hard times. Bad financial decisions in the early years of our marriage compounded by a plethora of medical problems that struck our small family all within in a few short years left us deep in debt and living paycheck to paycheck. I worked for a small construction company for seven years, staying loyal and working hard in hopes that as we improved the financial standing of the business our personal financial standing would improve as well. In six year's time, the business did grow and improve significantly and enormous bonus checks were given to a couple of "favorite" employees while we were given the smallest bonus check of all (2.5 times smaller than the boss's son's friend that had only been there for a few months). I stayed on another year until the bonus situation repeated itself and I decided to go somewhere where loyalty and hard work were both appreciated and rewarded. Unfortunately, the damage was already done.

Shortly after I had switched jobs, we quickly realized that our bills were burying us. With our families in similar financial situations but with fewer dependants, we were unable to call on any of them for help. We set up an appointment to visit with Consumer Credit Services to find out if they could see some possibilities that we were blind to. The people there were very nice and understanding, reassuring us that they would see if they could help us set up a plan to weather the storm. Unfortunately, once we laid out all the details, their only recommendation was the only one that neither of us wanted: bankruptcy!

My poor wife, already severely stressed out by the situation as it was, started to tear up as the counselor outlined our bankruptcy options and how we would need to proceed. I, on the other hand, felt myself strangely detached from the situation. It was almost as if I were watching and listening the meeting from a distance. A strong feeling of peace flowed into me. And through that spiritual experience I received a reassurance that we were going to be just fine.

While the counselor continued to explain things to my wife, my mind started to race and I quickly formulated a plan of my own. The details fell into place quickly and I sat through the rest of the appointment just smiling politely at the counselor. I thanked her at the end and told her we needed some time to discuss what we were going to do before we acted, which she understood (although not in the way that I intended), and I ushered my tearful wife out of the office.

In the parking lot I tried to console my wife and let her know what had just happened, detailing the basics of the plan that I had just formulated. Understandably, she was still overwhelmed by what she had just heard and didn't see the hope that I felt. She pointed out that a professional financial counselor just told us our only option was to declare bankruptcy - what hope was there to be had? I simply told her that the counselor only knew statistics and numbers - she did not know us!

That evening, I laid out my plan in greater detail and discussed it with her. She started to see the possibility and decided to trust me and put her faith in us. To make a long story short (I know - it's too late), we plugged the money pit within a couple of weeks, leveled our financial situation out in two months, and within six months had a couple thousand dollars in the bank and were making good progress on paying down our debts.

Like Hardy's father, I believe strongly in paying my debts. If I dig a hole, I don't expect someone else to come behind me and fill it in. I believe in the Golden Rule. I wouldn't like it if someone didn't pay back money that I had loaned to them, so why wouldn't I pay back the money someone loaned to me?

Hardy's father beat his adversity back with a broom. I beat mine back with a newspaper.

Keep coming back and I will tell you more about that.

Sometimes The Simplest Idea Can Make The Biggest Difference

Trevor McKenney: I guess it's hard for people who are so used to things the way they are - even if they're bad - to change. 'Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kind of loses.

Pay It Forward

I love the concept of this movie. A young boy named Trevor and his classmates are challenged by their social studies teacher to come up with an idea that can change the world and act on it. The teacher does not really expect anything worthwhile to come out of this assignment, so imagine his surprise when Trevor actually comes up with a simple, yet brilliant idea.

Trevor comes up with the idea of doing three acts of kindness to other people. The recipients of these acts are not allowed to pay the giver back, but instead must pay it forward by doing three acts of kindness for others. The intention is to create an ever-expanding ripple effect of acts of kindness and good that eventually would encompass the entire world.

The quote above, however, illuminates the danger that we all must be wary of - apathy! Apathy is generally defined as the absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.

Have you ever had an idea that could effect change either in your personal world or the world beyond? Perhaps you had an idea to get out of debt, to lose weight, to develop a significant talent, to render service to others, to start a business, etc. Why didn't you act on it or, if you did act on it, why didn't you see it through to completion? I can almost guarantee it is because you lacked the passion, emotion and excitement to do so or you suppressed it by giving in to your fears.

Passionate people effect change. Dave Ramsey is passionate about helping people become more financially literate and sets them up with a plan and the principles to get them debt-free and financially secure.

Emotional people never give up when those emotions are channeled in the right direction. If you have ever watched The Biggest Loser on T.V., you become a witness to people making extreme weight changes because they have an emotional reason for doing so. And when the pain seems unbearable and the task impossible, they draw upon that emotion to push them through the worst so that they can achieve their best.

Excited people are contagious. Some might even say they are annoying, but that is only because somebody else is excited about something and the sound of it is intruding on their dull, dreary existence. But the extreme levels of excitement create a magnetic pull that sweeps people up and fills them with excitement for what is going on. Soak some excitement up and pass it on to someone else!

I think all of us should have a world-changing idea that we are acting on whether it is one that we came up with or somebody else thought of it first. It should be an idea that we can be passionate, emotional and excited about. Out of my concern for other people's financial well-being and a desire to increase my ability to give to others, I developed The Millionaire Marathon. I still believe it is a concept that will help change the world when it catches on. I am also working on another world-changing idea that I hope to share with you real soon.

Do you have an idea that you are currently acting on? If not, take the one from this movie and go and complete three acts of kindness and ask your recipients to pay it forward. Who knows - you may just change the world!

Living the Dream - Part 1

Do you have an unfulfilled dream? I'm sure you do. Perhaps, it is one you have had since your childhood. You may have dreamed of being a dancer, an astronaut, a firefighter or a pilot. My dream is to be a world-famous author with several published works. (I know I could have just said that I want to be a published author, but if you're going to dream you might as well dream big, right?)

My passion for writing started the same way many author's dream did ... from reading. I loved to read growing up; I still do! I loved how the authors opened my mind to worlds and ideas that I never dreamed of before. I loved the way they developed multiple plot lines and sub-stories and then drew it all together for a stunning climax. I loved the characters they created and how they could make you care about them. And the more I read, the more I started to daydream of my own worlds, my own characters and, eventually, my own stories.

"I am a part of all I have read."
~ John Kieran

I started to write down notes for a particular story idea a number of years ago. The more I detailed the ideas I had, the more excited I got until I couldn't continue just making notes and started writing as fast as I could. And the more I wrote, the more the ideas started to pour forth. I eventually had to put the brakes on and back up because I was writing in the middle. I started at the beginning and put down about four chapters of material. I shared what I had written with my wife and a few extended family members and they all were impressed with my writing style and my ability to grab their attention. I enjoyed the compliments, but I must admit I was also a little skeptical of them as well. Being somewhat of a perfectionist, I could see the flaws of my rough draft and so I wondered if they were being totally honest with me or if they were just telling me what they knew I wanted to hear. I got my answer shortly I stumbled across a certain website.

In the year 2000, another dreamer took a chance and established a small dot com startup called Stories.com in the midst of a rapidly crumbling dot com world. It started out as a simply idea in that it was a place where people could come and lend their writing talents and ideas by participating and contributing chapters to "interactive" stories. It was very messy and disorganized in the beginning and the site creator, the self-proclaimed StoryMaster, quickly realized additional tools and features were needed. He wanted people to be able to "own" the stories they created so he created member accounts and portfolios for them to store and edit their interactive stories. Shortly after he added the ability for members to create Static Items for members to upload their short stories, poems, articles, etc.

As the site and its membership grew, the StoryMaster quickly realized that they had outgrown the Stories.com name and concept. In September of 2002, it was home to over 15,000 writers and over 150,000 pieces of literature. And with all the added tools and activities available, it was no longer just for stories. So, in January 2003, they unveiled the new site name Writing.com, which is where you will still find it today.

I stumbled across Writing.com back in March 2005 and loved the idea that I could set up a free portfolio and share pieces of my writing with others and have them rate them and review them. I set up my own personal portfolio at http://Writing.Com/authors/nesnejan and started reading and reviewing other people's works. After a couple of months, I added my first piece, The Hunted, based on an actual dream I had when I was living in Denmark. I received great reviews from a number of people who had read it. Everyone who took the time to rate it gave it a full 5-star rating!

Encouraged by this, I started to add the first few chapters that I had shared with my family members. Again, people seemed to love my writing style and the stories I told. I'm not saying it was perfect. They had many editing suggestions that were also very helpful in improving the content and grammar. But, overall, people seemed to enjoy my writing.

Unfortunately, life got in the way and I had to lay it all to the side to focus on other things. I have tried to come back to it on a number of occasions but looming plot and character problems have kept me from making any real progress on the story. I also suffer a bit from "Idea Avalanche". Every time I read or write, it seems, I come up with a new idea for a new story. I started typing up plot and character ideas and saving them on a USB key for future reference because each new idea would derail me from one I was already working on.

"Write without pay until somebody offers to pay."
~ Mark Twain

I eventually decided to focus in on one story idea. It wasn't the one that I started with years ago because it did not have the major plot problems and character flaws the first one had. I outlined my idea for the story from the beginning almost all the way to the end. I say almost all the way to the end because their are some lingering questions over how to tie it all up without making it drag on. I figured that it would be better to just get writing and put the words down on paper and let the end work itself out in the process.

"First, find out what your hero wants, then just follow him!"
~ Ray Bradbury

I made some progress, but, again, life got in the way and the project was bogged down and brought to a standstill. (Are you starting to see a pattern here?) I eventually realized that if I am ever going to get a book complete, I needed to develop the daily habit of writing and overcome my inner-perfectionistic-editor. It is a universal truth that anyone can write a novel simply by writing one page a day. The trick is to motivate yourself to do it every day until it is done.

"Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending."
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I came across another website three years ago that helps people get the bulk of their first (or next) novel written in 30 days. Sounds impossible, doesn't it? Well, come back tomorrow and I will tell you all about it.

In the meantime, go to my portfolio on Writing .com at http://Writing.Com/authors/nesnejan and check out some of the pieces I have written. Sign up for a free membership and take a moment to rate and review the pieces you read. I would love to get your feedback, particularly if you see places where they can be improved. If you like the site, check out some of the other pieces written by other members and do the same for them, or add some writing of your own. If you do add something to the site, or are already a member, leave me a comment so that I can check out your work as well.

I hope to see you back here tomorrow for Part 2 of Living the Dream!

Rise to the Occasion of Your Life

I started to watch a movie with my 4-year old son this weekend and, while we did not have time to watch to this point, this is one of my favorite quotes from the show....

Mr. Edward Magorium: [to Molly, about dying] When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.
[pause, walks over to Molly]
Mr. Edward Magorium: I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."
Molly Mahoney: [starting to sob] I love you.
Mr. Edward Magorium: I love you, too.
[picks Molly up, sighs heavily]
Mr. Edward Magorium: Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.


Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

That last line "Your life is an occasion. Rise to it." is a piece of advice we should reflect on every morning that we wake up to a new day. I was just thinking about this very thing last night before I drifted off to sleep. I know that I live my life well below what I am capable of. It is one of the reasons that I push myself so hard at the things I do and the sports I play. I am curious just how far I can go and how much I can do. And do you know what? I haven't found the limit yet.

If you know my wife, I am sure you will agree that she is an incredible woman. But if you knew her like I do, you would also know that she, too, lives well below what she is capable of. She has an incredible potential in her that is so under-tapped that when she does tap into it, even just a little bit, she accomplishes incredible and amazing things.

And I bet that, if you really and truly look at your life, you would agree that you live well below your level of potential as well.

Why do we do this? Why do we have those moments of greatness and then settle back into living lives of mediocrity? I believe part of this is that it is a little uncomfortable for us and for those around us when we live out there on the edge. It is uncomfortable for us because we are living outside of our comfort zone. And nobody likes to be uncomfortable, do they? So we pull back before we can realize that if we just stayed out there a little bit longer, our comfort zone would have expanded to encompass where we were at.

It is uncomfortable for those around us because, when one of us strays from the "herd" of mediocrity, we become an automatic outcast. We open ourselves to ridicule and criticism by those who hang back with the rest of the "herd". We become one of those "weirdos" that are different from most everyone else. And there are few that are strong enough and confident enough to openly admit that, while it is nice and comfortable within the safety of the "herd", the grass is definitely greener and lusher where the lone "stray" has moved to.

If you want to see the gap between where you are now and where you potential lies narrow, I recommend that you memorize and short little saying that my mentor, Mike Litman, taught to me:

"In life, you're either consistent, or you're non-existent!"

Whatever you want to improve in life, you must consistently strive to improve upon. Moments of greatness do nothing for you. One great day does not make a great life any more than one great shot makes someone an incredible basketball player. If you want to lose weight, you must consistently eat right and exercise every day. If you want to learn to play a musical instrument, you must pick it up and practice every day. If you want to have a more loving relationship with your spouse and kids, you must consistently express your love in words and deeds every day. There isn't anything that you want more or better where this universal truth does not apply. Consistency is key!

But in order to establish a life of consistent greatness, you have to get started.

Your life is an occasion. What are you going to do today to rise to it?

The Weathered Old Barn

The Weathered Old Barn
By: Author Unknown

A stranger came by the other day with an offer that set me to thinking. He wanted to buy the old barn that sits out by the highway. I told him right off he was crazy. He was a city type, you could tell by his clothes, his car, his hands, and the way he talked. He said he was driving by and saw that beautiful barn sitting out in the tall grass and wanted to know if it was for sale. I told him he had a funny idea of beauty.

Sure, it was a handsome building in its day. But then, there's been a lot of winters pass with their snow and ice and howling wind. The summer sun's beat down on that old barn till all the paint's gone, and the wood has turned silver gray. Now the old building leans a good deal, looking kind of tired. Yet, that fellow called it beautiful.

That set me to thinking. I walked out to the field and just stood there, gazing at that old barn. The stranger said he planned to use the lumber to line the walls of his den in a new country home he's building down the road. He said you couldn't get paint that beautiful. Only years of standing in the weather, bearing the storms and scorching sun, only that can produce beautiful barn wood.

It came to me then. We're a lot like that, you and I. Only it's on the inside that the beauty grows with us. Sure we turn silver gray too and lean a bit more than we did when we were young and full of sap. As the years pass we use the hard wealth of our lives, the dry spells and the stormy seasons, to do a job of beautifying our souls that nothing else can produce. And to think how often people complain because they want life easy, when it is because of the struggles we live through that we become the people we are.

Find peace with who you are and embrace the problems you come up against every day. You will only become more beautiful for it.

Not all pick-up lines are bad...

After that last post, I had to prove that not all pick-up lines are bad. Joe uses one when he talks about calling Kathleen that probably would have worked under better timing....


[Talking about who Kathleen's internet friend could possibly be...]
Joe Fox: [walking] He could be the Zipper Man.
Kathleen Kelly: Who?
Joe Fox: This guy on Amsterdam who repairs zippers. You'll never have to buy new luggage.
Kathleen Kelly: Stop teasing.
Joe Fox: Timing is everything. He waited until you were primed. Until you knew there was no other man you could ever love.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: Sometimes I wonder...
Kathleen Kelly: What? [they stop]
Joe Fox: If I hadn't been FoxBooks and you hadn't been the Shop Around the Corner... and you and I had, just you know, met... Yeah. I would have asked for your phone number and I wouldn't have been able to wait 24 hours before calling and asking, "How about coffee, drinks, dinner, a movie, for as long as we both shall live?"
Kathleen Kelly: Joe.
Joe Fox: And you and I would have never been at war. And the only things we would've fought about would be what video to rent on Saturday night.
Kathleen Kelly: Well, who fights about that?
Joe Fox: Well, some people. Not us.
Kathleen Kelly: We would never.
Joe Fox: ...if only.

You've Got Mail



Lucky for Joe, the person Kathleen was rushing off to meet for the first time was ... Joe.




I do have to share this one little tidbit that I came across while researching pick-up lines. In an article on Forbes.com, Neil Strauss talks of a time when a friend challenged him to try to meet women using a story about dental floss. "Me and my friends were having a big debate, and your answer to this is going to change the rest of our lives," he would begin. "I know we're just at a bar, but me and my friends talk about these things. So, a very important question ... Flossing: before or after you brush?" Half said before; half after, and nearly all entered into a longer conversation.

And that is the key right there: initiating a long conversation. In my experience of meeting and dating women, women much prefer good conversation over being treated like a propective conquest. You can use a line to make them laugh because that is all they are really good for unless the line is really romantic and you already have a relationship with them - otherwise you just come off as desparate and creepy.

So, if you are a single guy, take note - conversation is key. How you start it is up to you.

I Did It! or The Dumbbell-Throat-Karate-Chop

I once read somewhere that public speaking was the #1 fear in America. (I also heard that Fear of Dying came in at #3. So, most people would rather die than have to speak in public!) I think I finally found something that can top that ... public singing!

My wife and I love to sing in the church choir; especially around Christmas time. I usually stay home and take care of the kids so that she can go to choir practice, but this year I beat her to it. She hadn't gone in many months so around the beginning of October I started to go. Once we got a little closer to Christmas, my wife expressed her desire to sing with the choir, too. But she was kind enough to let me continue to go because I had stayed home for her so many times in the past. Fortunately, a teenage girl from our church volunteered to watch our kids for free so that both of us could go. That was when it started.

My wife started talking to the choir director and expressed "our" willingness to sing a duet sometime if the need ever arose. The following week the choir director announced that both Noelle and I had solo parts in the song "Oh Holy Night!" GULP!!!

I have a very valid reason for being nervous. When I was about 10 years old, I was one of the top singers in my class. Being young, my voice was much higher and only one girl could hit notes higher than I could and stay on-key. Then disaster struck in the form of an ill-timed wrestling match with my sister in the basement. One of my younger sisters and gone into my room and was carrying around one of the dumbbells from my weight set. I yelled at her to put it back but she only dropped it and ran off.

I shoved my older sister away from me to go put it away so that nobody got hurt, but, ironically, somebody did. My older sister, not seeing what had transpired with our younger sister and thinking I was still playing around, tackled me. The force of it threw me to the ground so quickly that I couldn't get my hands up to catch myself. The bar of the dumbbell hit me right in the throat! I couldn't breathe! My sister yelled for my parents as I was thrashing around on the ground trying to get some air. My parents came running but there was nothing they could do for me - especially since nobody understood what really happened.

Luckily, the collapse of my air passage was only temporary and, after about a minute and a half, I started to draw breath again - little gasps at first, gradually making my way up to full, heaving lungfuls. When I had stopped inhaling so heavily, my parents asked me what happened ... and that's when we noticed that we had a problem. When I tried to talk, no sound would come out. The upside of all this was that it got me out of school for a week. The downside was that the New Kids on the Block never called to ask me to be in the group (and, without that choreography training, I still can't dance!).

By the end of the week, my voice progressed from sounding like a soft sigh to the gravelly sound of an eighty year old man with throat cancer. Another two weeks and it gradually developed to the deep, deep voice that I have now. Apparently, puberty decided to strike me down a few years early since my voice was changing anyways.

It had its humorous moments like when I would answer the phone and people would start telling me about the church meeting my dad needed to go to. I would "mm-hmm" and "okay" at all the right times letting them run on. Then, when they were done, I would ask, "Would you like to talk to my dad now?" The sad thing was that I could no longer sing ... at all! I just couldn't hit the notes that I used to hit with ease. I would try to modulate between notes and oftentimes nothing but air would come out. It was so frustrating!

My dad teased me mercilessly, too. I would be singing along to the radio and he would burst into my room looking all panicked and ask, "Is everything okay in here?" I assured him it was and asked, "Why do you ask?" He would respond saying, "I just heard all this moaning and wailing coming from your room and I thought you had gotten hurt!" This did wonders for my self-esteem as you can imagine. So I just stopped singing around people. My version of singing a solo was to sing so low you couldn't hear me.

I turned the corner when I was nineteen and serving a mission in Denmark. I started singing more and more and developing more control. I sang in choirs while I was there and even helped out the bass section of a quartet that was singing for a funeral. I found that I was really good at amplifying a bass section, but I still didn't have the confidence to sing a solo. And now I was being asked to sing a one in front of approximately 400 people!

My wife sang with an award-winning choir in high school and many church choirs since, but she had never sung a solo before either. So she was nervous, too. (She would have much rather preferred the duet). The downside for her (or maybe it was an upside) was that a week and a half before we were to perform she started losing her voice. It never fully came back in time for here to sing her part so she really never got to see how it would turn out.

I, on the other hand, remained healthy as a horse. I kissed and made out with my wife often but I could never seem to catch what she had. (Curse this iron-hard immune system!) I realized the day before the performance that I hadn't memorized my solo and that it would be difficult to sing well while trying to read off the sheet music. So, being the on-the-ball person that I am, I procrastinated that until two hours before the performance.

Now if you give me a topic, a microphone and an audience of 400+ people and I don't have a problem giving a talk for 20-30 minutes. How hard is that, really? I've talked most of my life. I am fairly decent about putting one sentence together with another. I don't worry about people laughing at me if I screw up because I intentionally screw up and talk funny on purpose to make people laugh all the time. I'm used to it. Singing is a whole different ballgame. You have specific notes you have to hit and specific words you have to sing and if you screw up - everybody knows it!

I found that I had to give myself permission to succeed. I often catch myself listening to the other men in the bass choir and following their lead. If they go off-key, I go off-key. If they miss a word, I'm suddenly lost and scrambling to figure out where we are at. It is a highly reactive way of singing that just doesn't work for a solo. I had to get aggressive.

And aggressive I was! I sang with gusto and confidence. I believe I did well (a number of people said so afterwards), but I noticed my hands were shaking like leaves in a strong wind when I was done. It is a really good thing that I memorized my part that morning because I doubt I would have been able to read sheet music if they shook while I was singing my solo.

So the moral of all this is:

Don't get karate-chopped in the throat by a dumbbell because it really hurts.

- or -

You don't know what you can accomplish until you try. Be daring and give yourself permission to succeed in all areas. "Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain." ~Mark Twain