To provide a little background for how this particular quote came up, the hero of the story, Odd Thomas, was picked up by an older woman named Birdie Hopkins who receives flashes of intuition and feels the need to drive towards someone in need of help. She was just explaining to Odd that these flashes started coming just after her husband, Fred, died seven years ago and she said:
"Love somebody from when you're nineteen, one day he's the same as ever, next day dead. So many tears, they seem to wash somethin' out of you, they leave this emptiness."
"Loss is the hardest thing," I said. "But it's also the teacher that's the most difficult to ignore."
Her fanning hand went still. She regarded me with an expression that I took to be surprised agreement.
Because Birdie seemed to expect me to elucidate, I fumbled out what I thought she might want to say herself: "Grief can destroy you - or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. Or you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it. But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. It was everything, it was the why of life, ever event and precious moment of it. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life."
I guess one reason why this quote struck me was because of the recent loss of my wife's grandfather, the loss of a friend close to my age, and the loss of my wife's friend's mother (you can read more about this in my wife's Grace Under Fire post). I have seen many people lose those who are near and dear to them, and I, too, have been on the losing end myself. I have not had to face the difficulty of losing a spouse (thank the Lord for that), but I have lost love in such a manner that I could feel the truth of Odd's words.
We do take the time we have with those who are near and dear to us for granted. We never expect it to end any time soon. But when it does we are left feeling empty. I like how he says that our experiences with our loved ones are "the why of life". It explains why so many who have lost their loved ones do not care to live longer. They feel the reason why they lived is gone and life itself does not have any value to them any longer.
A loss can waken you to the deeper beauty of love, but one does not have to lose to wake up. Look around you and consider for a moment who you take for granted. Who would you miss if tomorrow you woke up and they were gone? I hope after you have the answer to that question that you will take a moment today to tell them just how much you love and appreciate them and what a difference they make to you in your life.
Now, if you will excuse me, I must go and give my wife all the love that I possibly can before this day is done.
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